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Can You Keep a Secret?

Can you keep a secret I asked in the title and I meant it. This is big, real big. Not even my wife can find out so you have to keep your traps shut.

Today all my financial worries came to an end thanks to the Catholic church and Rev. James Robinson. Apparently James was thrown out of the Catholic church for things I won’t mention here. He, of course, was framed and is as innocent as the boys he allegedly did things to, I won’t mention here.

Ex Reverend Robinson has sent me an email explaining all of this to me. He mentioned he was finally caught for his alleged crime and will have to serve out the rest of his life in prison. Which won’t be long due to a heart condition.

All sad news since until today I didn’t know James was a relative let alone a priest framed of crimes to keep him from pushing reforms in the church. Yes he mentioned that too.

But this is where it gets good for me.

He has $8,970,000 he wants to use to build an orphanage. He didn’t cover this part, but if you read between the lines, the awful Catholics won’t let him put that in any kind of fund to accomplish his wishes so he must get his closest living relative to do it.

That’s me!

Yes I will be the steward of all that money and all I have to do is promise not to tell anyone until he gets the information he needs to transfer the money. Not even my spouse can know.

It’ll be tough but I can keep a secret and I hope you can too.

So I imagine you are sitting there wondering how receiving money to use to build an orphanage erased all my financial worry.

You are probably asking if I am going to pull a Snidely Whiplash and cheat those poor orphans.

Of course not!

You probably think I am going to set myself up as director of the orphanage.

Are you kidding? I raised four boys that’s hard work!

Use your head for God’s sake!

My uncle? Cousin? Cross dressing aunt? Who ever James Robinson is to me has $8,970,000. He said he was born in an orphanage and he grew up to be a priest.

I am going to solve my financial worries in the obvious way.

I am going to become a priest!

Those guys must make a boat load of money if Cousin James, a poor orphan, was able to salt away that kind of loot.

Sure I’ll have to give up sex but I am married so I am half way there already.

Then there is the long black dress and white collar. Not a bad look, plus it will cover any fat I put on from drinking wine and eating little tiny wafers.

I am not big on wafers and fish Friday won’t be a favorite with me but for a salary where I can save 9 million bucks, I’ll eat petrified cow pies from The Holy Manger.

Plus there is the one day work week. Perfect for me!

It’s a dream come true.

All because I have a relative who was caught with his hand in the alter boy’s cookie jar.

But remember you can’t tell anyone.

Not even my wife.





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