I am Huge
Things in the mirror may be bigger than they appear.
And then again they may not.
I recently ordered an item online. I can’t say what because my grandson may read this story. Many of you may think he can not read because he is less than two years old but he and I know better. He is as brilliant as his grandfather and if you read jpatdyer.com you know how brilliant I am.
With that being said and it was, I ordered him a toy. Online, in the picture, it looked big. Not big, like Oprah’s ass, but big none the less. When it arrived by FEDEX today it wasn’t big at all. It was about a third the size I expected. I am sure many of you ladies remember your honeymoon and can relate.
I was looking at it and wondering why it looked so big on the web page but so small in person when it hit me. It isn’t small at all.
I am huge.
I am a giant.
No one ever told me I was a giant. It’s something I never noticed before. But there is a perfectly good reason for that.
It’s because everyone else is also a giant. We are all giants. A whole planet full of huge people. We don’t realize this because Gulliver has never visited but now we have proof.
We have a big toy to compare ourselves to.
And we are gigantic in comparison.
It’s either that or the people who sell this particular toy are bad people. People who try to trick grandfathers like me into buying a toy because it looks big when it’s really small.
People who believe in the old adage “let the buyer beware.”
Even at Christmas.
I refuse to believe it is possible. That people can be so callous as to put profits ahead of people.
Next thing you know stores will have sales on Thanksgiving. Pit shopper against shopper in the false belief, the same discount won’t be offered two weeks later.
They will make Ebenezer Scrooge look like a union shop rep.
It may be the world we live in but I refuse to participate.
Because i am a giant of a man.
If you don’t believe me just ask my grandson.
He’s brilliant after all.