Large Drinks Are My Right
Large drinks are my right under the separation clause according to New York courts. The mayor wanted to ban all drinks bigger than 16 ounces because of health concerns. The courts have said he can’t do it.
He obviously is missing the health benefits of drinking large beverages. Most notably the 32 ounce bucket size, common now at all fast food restaurants and movie theaters
Now before we go any further, I want you to be clear, I do not live in New York and I seldom visit. To define seldom, I was last there in 2001. So I am not minding my own business.
Now that we have that out of the way lets discuss the health benefits of drinking a horse trough of cola. First of all there is the weight. I don’t know the exact weight of 32 ounces of cola but I do know 32 ounces of water weighs two pounds. So lets use that. If a sip of cola is two ounces then it takes sixteen sips to finish a fat ass inducing sized cola. So that’s the equivalent of doing a two pound curl for your arm. Then every curl thereafter is a little less weight but in total there is 16 curls. A nice workout.
Okay now lets look at the cardio of guzzling brown sugar water at a rate only a camel can compete. I don’t know about you but if I drink a 32 ounce diabetes booster I will have to urinate and often. So lets say it takes two trips to get rid of the new cola and one more trip to dump the fluids the diuretic caffeine pushes out.
That’s three trips to the toilet! And if that’s in a movie theater you have steps involved unless you have already buckled up the electric scooter and given up on being anything but a gluttonous pig. Then of course you get to sit at the bottom of the stairs so everyone knows you are too fat to climb steps. Three trips? Stairs? Sounds like it’s equal to a trip to the gym.
So see, where the mayor of New York sees fat people, I see healthy exercise.
So is health the real reason he wants ban larger than your head drinks?
I doubt it.
Have you seen Bloomberg? He’s knee high to a leprechaun. My suspicions are he can’t swim. So he is not only afraid he could drown in one of these swimming pool sized drinks but he may be afraid that some porker visiting from the Midwest might swallow him if he fell in one.
It’s a legitimate worry if you are shorter than the straw it takes to get to the bottom of one of those belly busters.
But that still doesn’t give him the right to ban them unilaterally. He has to go through the system. He has to get New Yorkers to back him and their legislature to pass a law.
The chances of that happening is zero. From what I remember, from my last visit, you won’t get that many calories away from them unless you pry them from their cold dead fat fingers.
After all this is a city who celebrates a guy who can eat 68 hot dogs in ten minutes.
So whats a little soda among future diabetics, heart attack suffers and stroke victims?
A delightful treat while riding in the ambulance.